Thursday, May 27, 2010

The What I Thoughts VS. The Harsh Realities

After reading Lisa's "ME" blog entry yesterday, it made my thoughts go into over-drive. You know those times when in the shower, you just keep getting thought after thought, like you were having a debate with some unseen foe. I'm not sure if I won the battle, but I had so many "ah, ha" moments, I even wrote them on a piece of scrap paper so I wouldn't forget all my amazing new insights on life. :) So here are my enlightening revelations on what I used to think WOULD happen VS the realities of my life. (warning: this could be long and rambly, so if you'd like, you could quietly back away now and I won't be offended.) These thoughts came in random order, so that's how they are going down.
1) Myth- Adults know everything and are have all the confidence in the world.
Reality- It is just about the total opposite. The older I get, the less I seem to know. Scary I know. There are WORLDS of things out there that I realize I don't even know they exist until somebody introduces me to them. For example- chakra's - didn't know a thing about them until a few years ago. (look it up, then know Sabrina set me straight:) The more I know nothing about, the more my confidence goes away.
2) Myth- (this was my 17 year old me speaking) When I get married (especially TEMPLE married) and get my OWN place, my life will be perfect and so much easier.
Reality- This makes me almost vomit a little bit in my mouth to think about that now. What was I thinking? Don't get me wrong, I love being married, but life easier? I'm afraid we teach this to the YW unknowingly. "Get married in the temple and you've reached the ultimate goal and life will be easier - no more tests" When in reality, that's when life's tests begin. We were sent here to earth to be tried and tested, why would the tests get easier the farther along in life we get? In school each year progressively gets harder, doesn't it make sense that it would be the same in life? Progressively harder tests? Thats PROGRESSING. Enduring to the end, not sliding down hill to a finish line. When we master one part of life, we get to learn another lesson. My learning needs and curve will be different than anybody elses. Not my favorite part of life- I manage to usually learn the hard way and after many failed attempts, but I understand, finally, it's the plan.
3) Myth-Things will get better when......I'm old enough to drive, I own my own house, have that one bill payed off, etc, etc, etc.
Reality- It's not better, it's different- a change- but better? no. Refer to myth #2. When one trial or part of your life is over a new one appears to take it's place. I am the eternal "the grass is always greener" girl. I think everything must be better later. I am finally realizing to seize the day. Now is the time to enjoy life, because it's the only time I have a guarantee on. I am getting to the age where I can see I let much of my life slip by wishing for something else and now it is too late to go and get those little moments back. My kids are almost all gone and out of my grasp. I hope I took advantage of those times in my life that meant the most or had the biggest impact on them. Too late now. All because I was looking to an easier time (see #2) . No such thing. But what to do..... Learn and make the most of what I have today.

This sounds so deep, dark and depressing. the 3 D's :) It's not meant to be. I am thrilled to finally be growing up and understanding myself :) and the realities of life. And really- they aren't so bad now that I understand them a little bit better :) I had a few other thoughts- such as *If these are the best years of my life- kill me now! and *Once I lose this weight it will be off forever. Both myths I am finding out in a harsh way :)


  1. I'm a greener pastures kind of girl too. After my post I tried to have a different attitude and yesterday was a huge improvement from what had become the norm.

    I did think a house would make life so much better and we'd feel more grown up and independent. I could decorate how I want too. Ha! I'd recommend to anyone to rent and keep on renting until you make a pretty penny. Life is much different when you own a home and have just enough money to pay the bills. Stressful. No more play money and a lot of responsibility (no decorating when your broke). Thank goodness I have Josh. :)

    The think I lack confidence in the most is parenting. It's huge! I could majorly screw up these little spirits. My children are so different too. What works for one most likely isn't going to work for the other. Trial and error? What if I teach something incorrectly or say something harsh that sticks in my child's head for the rest of his/her life? There are so many onlookers too that have their opinion on what is right and wrong and they'll let you know. Confidence in what you believe is right is hard to hold up when you have people you care about giving you a negative critique.

  2. WHAT!?! Everything doesn't get better when I'm older?! I thought that when I was old I could be the crazy old lady and everything would be fine...I think I'm still going to do that. :) Thanks for the wisdom. I will remember it when I'm thinking, everything went great for my Mom and siblings when they got a house, why isn't it for us. :)

  3. Wendy--I think the #2 myth in your post is what I LOVED about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk at the YW General Broadcast. The real "Happily Ever After" is only achieved _after_ this life and then comes the greatest reward. Life's challenges still come(with a vengeance) after the temple, the marriage, the children, the callings. All great heroines have to have them to overcome and succeed and finally triumph. Now saying that, and having the YW hear that might still be two different things, but just know that I am working on that part...and will do my part to teach that the 5th principle of the Gospel is "Endure to the End". dangit. ;)